I had thought that the day after the day where you were there and then you weren’t, that I would had had the chance to talk to you and said something stupid. So I didn’t stop and talk. I imagine that life and all the things that create chances to happen and then not to happen are greater than the chance that you really wanted to talk to me. That every time I think of you I have this involuntary twist to my head; and I don’t know what that means. And these are all things that I would ramble to you.
I mean that women are the people that I both long to be with the most and yet forever feel at complete and utter unease among their company. And the more I am drawn to a woman like a posse on an outlaw I become all mute and ghostly. Around them many times my presence feels about as natural as trying to push a large clamor of cottage cheese around the block.
Twice.
Then you are gone, or rather that the point is gone, the moment is gone where the two of us are together jumping up and down and stealing potted plants from houses we didn’t own and hoping that we might get caught. The door bells would ring in the city’s bedroom communities that night. And we would run and ring our way through the front yards and alleyways of our croquet neighbors taking what was rightfully and clearly ours.
And then you danced.
photo: Flamenco dancers perform in Cafe Vita near downtown Olympia, Washington, for the autumnal ArtsWalk on October 2, 2009. (© 2010 Patrick Sullivan)
All back and forth and forth and back until the young night and early morning had come together. That I remember. I wanted to remember, really. I mean, I just described moments that included you from so many shared ones that none of them were real. All of the thoughts about them are retread memories that we all have.
But still there was the moment that I thought wow i haven’t been this excited about being around someone in good god damn long time. And walking and thinking and then thinking more, and ouch tripping on the curb because my heart was pounding for this brief minute and I don’t remember why but those sunglass were great.
GASGASGAS and good show.