I seem to be still trapped in the overnight free-for-all of insomnia. I swear it is this city and this part of the country. I get all wound up. If I were home, I would go walk around downtown or the neighborhood or a bicycle ride or something. But here, couped in in a cul-de-sac in the ‘burbs, I don’t have many options. Plus the Taco Cabana has some sort of magneto effect on my will if I leave the house by car this late at night in this town.
I mean, breakfast tacos. How do I say no to the breakfast taco?
So I’m awake. I have started with the late night running and pushing the heavy things up and down and what not. But I’m quite sure that these efforts aren’t effective. The land of Nod, at 4 AM, seems so distant. I have become so complaisant with my new diurnal beginnings near the 12 PM mark that I worry that this new schedule.
But I had a positive experience with a small company that I am trying to reestablish a relationship with. I heard something that I haven’t heard from anyone in quite sometime that made me smile. “I trust you.” I mean, it was a short sentence and merely a gesture to keep the conversation running, but it made me feel good. At which point my lizard brain kicked in the ignoble gear of not trusting a sole (soul) and wondering what this person wanted.
But I felt one thing, scilicet, that I have perhaps not only created some good will with who I am in this world, but I have helped some folks.
Late in the middle of the night these unreconstructed thoughts dominant me. It is this omnibus of shit that peel back my lids for hours into the morning.
Goddamn insomnia.